I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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