My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Randomize
