I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My liver just had a heart attack.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
