I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
