I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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