Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
