He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I didn't notice because vodka
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
