It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
its not stalking. its research.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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