sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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