My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
