do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
