i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
