my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize