He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
