dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
