I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he fucked my hip out of place.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
