Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Panties = found
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
