We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
