So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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