New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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