I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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