if you like me you must not know who I am
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
