oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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