just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
3 2 1 whiskey
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
