if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Boobs are out for the taking
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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