Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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