Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
