Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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