Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
