just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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