It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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