having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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