college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
PANTIES FOUND
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize