You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
