whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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