You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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