Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
