I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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