Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
