I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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