Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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