Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
