i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
