Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have fence marks all over my body
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize