Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
