I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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