true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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