Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I could make wine with my vomit
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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