god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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