Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
