it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
