We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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