you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
