you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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