you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
