so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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