I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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