Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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