ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I want her autograph on my taint
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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