she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
