Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
