I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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