Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
