maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize