also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
