Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
