My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
