the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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