I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
