I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
sex in a hospital.. check
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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