I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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