i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize