Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
