Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
