Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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