I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
