He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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