Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize