WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
