i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize