I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize