idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
