i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
