im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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