I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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