it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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