I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize