wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
