i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize