it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize