when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
this just has baby written all over it
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
