I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
