...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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