I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My cat gives me a boner
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
