the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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