i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
