just come out here and I will go home with you...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
