i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We named our party play list daddy issues
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
